Humor was flourishing this year in spite of the difficulties and the serios, even dramatic situation we have been through. Laughing, making fun out of trouble[1], brining on positive emotions are (healthy) coping mechanisms.
What we’ve lived through this year has been so unexpected and so different that many jokes have been around subjects having something to do with planning or prediction from the horoscope (no sign had traveled this year anymore) to setting resolutions (how could we succeed in anything when we had to deal with so many other things) and even the most hated question of interviews (nobody guessed 5 years ago where they would have been this year).
And finally here we are….at the end of the year. Many people see this as an ending to all the troubles we have been through in 2020, looking hopefully towards the next year. Is it safe to set again resolutions? Is it safe to even think of the future? I there any point of setting goals if everything is so uncertain? If you ask me, I say, yes, definitely! No matter how bad the situation is we need to have things to look forward to, to hope for. It is good to live in the present and make the best of it but the present becomes in an instant past and the next second is the future. The time changes and we with it. And you can set resolution at any time of the year, don’t feel bound to do it now[2].
I remember starting the year (this year of all the years!) with a vision board workshop. And I remember saying how important is to have clear objectives and to transform them into actions. I also said how it is important to imagine how we want to feel and how we will feel putting those actions into practice and that the vision board should not just have pictures of objects (or exotic places we would like to visit) but symbols of actions and feelings: running, joy, writing, inspiration, working, satisfaction, hiking, awe, learning, celebration etc.
The vision board is important because we make a clear visualization of what we would like to achieve while a list of resolutions could be too unpersonal, cold…just words on a paper. But even those words can inspire if we arrange them in a certain way and they bear an important meaning for us. No matter how you decided to go through next year, what life throws at you, take a break before the end of the year and integrate your learning from the past and look hopeful to the future.
I would like to share here a part of my resolutions and self-reflections for the year ending.
My resolutions sounded like this: “Be honest but kind; spontaneous but not impulsive; mindful but not a zombie; good but not self-sacrificing; and recognize people’s need for belonging and identity but treat each person I meet as an individual first and foremost.”
There are more than resolutions, they are a life philosophy if you want, values I use to guide my actions and decisions. But like with anything, these guiding values need to be used in the right quantity depending on the context, that is why they have some “buts”. For example, honesty or authenticity is very important for me. It means I act upon my feelings and thoughts, of what I think is true. I will tell you if something does not feel good to me, if I feel something is not correct, if I think or observe some mistake or unfairness. I will also tell you where I see potential, reasons to be grateful and happy, where or on what you are good or the best. In my profession the right equilibrium is key. But truth (or my truth) can be painful to hear – a mistake I made (too) many times. And is important to know how to say it, therefore I added that before being brutally honest I should also be kind. Hurting someone will not make any good to the person nor to the relationship and most certainly will not improve things.
Kindness was a central element in the needs of many people this year. For many the context was ruining so many plans and elements and breaking so many things that giving or receiving kindness from fellow humans was essential for survival. And this part of my resolution was therefore easy to fulfil.
Many people felt less free this year, myself included. Simple actions of socialising, organising an event, or going to holiday become complicated and required patience.
Therefore, what can we wish for next year? The vaccine will not solve all the problems, many of the changes taking place will have consequences for years to come. The new normal has little to do with the old normal ..and maybe will not be a normal at all for many of us. The answer came from an article I read about another compatriot who left the country many years ago. She[3] wrote: “In order to be free (or feel free) and happy we need to learn compassion, perseverance, optimism, curiosity and of course courage.[4]”
So, here are a few steps for setting resolutions that might be useful in any situation[5]:
- Think who is important for you and how you want to show them this. Hints: spend quality time (even if is on zoom or on the telephone), listen…really listen to them, give them what they like, be kind, supportive, encouraging, show them your love, respect or admiration, be compassionate…
- Think what is important for you and why and plan time for it. Hints: learning something new, cook or eat something new, read, sing, dance under the shower, spend time in nature, eat healthy. Be perseverant in acting upon them.
- Think of people who helped you to become who you are. What did they do, how they made you feel. And then think on who’s list you would like to be on your turn. Who are the people/communities around you that you can support to make the world a better place. What you can do, how you want them to remember you. Be optimistic in planning this.
- What makes you laugh with tears, what do you enjoy so much that you lose the sense of time, what catches your interests, what inspires you, what makes you curious about the world! Write down and include these activities in your weekly routines.
- What do you see around you that can become better, maybe a collogue (or yourself) treated unfairly in the office, maybe is about the school of your children or maybe is just about your neighbors. Be courageous and plan (do) things you can help to improve the situation.
If you feel the events of 2020 are still storming in your head and heart, give them time to settle. Be kind to yourself. If you feel a bit lost and confused, look around who can help bring clarity. If you feel you need a professional to help you to set things, you can also book a few sessions with me.
Gudde Rutsch[6] into 2021!
[1] Direct translation from a Romanian saying “ a face haz de necaz”
[2] In fact it seems August is a better month for doing this.
[3] Oana Fagarasan
[4] The original quote was about teaching our children
[5] You can also read a older article about resolution of bringing good brain chemicals into your life https://proactive.eu.com/i-wish-you-a-happy-newbrain-chemicals/
[6] Slide nicely!
by 