Once upon a time, when people had to get together to communicate and technology was scarce, sending your greetings was a serious business. Cards were made or bought, hand written and sent by post or handed. All of this included some level of organization (list of people, make/buy the cards, compose the text, write it, go to the post and send it on time etc), some level of motivation to put your time to it and some level of inspiration (as the texts were more or less customized). All in all meant thoughtful effort! This is why it felt so good sending and receiving them!
If you are like me, in this period of the year…you are kind of fed up with all the emails, messages or postings on social media greeting all together acquaintances, colleagues and (virtual) friends. Yes, it is true, the world evolved and we do have to adapt! But this should not mean to give up on actions that made us, and those around us, feel good! These general and common greetings do not get the attention of anyone and do not make feel better anybody!
So, what we can do? A few years ago I proposed instead of sending your best wishes some exercises or actions that could increase the level of “happy” chemicals in the brain/body and therefore take control on your happiness. (see it here).
This time I propose you something else: gratitude.
In the field of applied positive psychology, gratitude or better-said expression of gratitude is a great strategy for improving your life satisfaction (or more simply said happiness) and your mental health. And you can do that by deeply connecting with other people; creating social bonds and nurturing existing ones. And, in case you forgot, this is all about during the Holiday Season.
People express gratitude in different ways as appreciation, thankfulness, living and wondering in the moment, savouring, counting blessings etc…but being grateful is more then saying thank you. Gratitude in general is “a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life” (Robert Emmons).
The best about gratitude is that expressing it or feeling it “is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, avarice, hostility, worry, and irritation.” (Sonja Lyubomirsky).
Research studies found that gratitude prevents people from having/giving negative labels to others and negative thoughts, thus boosting self-worth and self-esteem as well as increasing the positivity of different relationships. Also being grateful helps us to maintain a positive outlook on life and positively reinforce each other. This helps further to keep or increase optimism level and hope. This is reflected by studies that found positive relationships between gratitude and optimism, hope and life satisfaction and happiness. Moreover gratitude helps people to cope with stress and trauma.
Those being said, I propose you an exercise that will make you and your dear ones feel better and take the edge off some stress related to Christmas and New Year celebrations. Think back at your year and make a list of people to whom you are grateful. You can also think of people to whom you are grateful in general and not only because of interactions belonging to this year. If you cannot think of people, try situations, books, movies, articles etc.
Then take each person/situation and think or write why are you grateful for to that person/situation. If you are a people person, write your personalized email/message/letter to each person (or simply call or meet). Start by describing what he or she did (for you) and what that meant for you and in which way this action influenced/inspired/supported or helped you. It can be also about indirect actions not only direct. For example, witnessing an act of courage or commitment can influence you to change or do something that will change your life. Do the same if you recall rather situations.
The good thing with this exercise is that has an amazing effect if you will write the letters to people and express your gratitude towards them but also if you just express it for your self (when you think of situations or blessings).
If you send it to people, for sure they will be grateful to you in return and definitively you will stand out from the countless (common) messages.
If not, and you just do it as a personal journal, it will still help you tremendously to improve your mental well-being and health. And we all need this, especially in winter and at the end of the year ;)!
Try it and then write me, how it was and what happen!
References
Lyubomirsky, S. (2010). The how of happiness: a practical guide to getting the life you want. London: Piatkus.
Luthans F, Youssef CM, Avolio BJ. Psychological capital: Developing the human competitive edge. 1st ed. New York: Oxford University Press; 2006.
Emmons RA, McCullough ME. Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. J. Pers Soc Psychol. 2003; 84: 377–389. PMID: 12585811
McCullough ME, Emmons RA, Tsang J-A. The grateful disposition: a conceptual and empirical topogra– phy. J Pers Soc psychol. 2002; 82: 112–127. PMID: 11811629
Rash JA, Matsuba MK, Prkachin KM. Gratitude and well-being: Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention? Appl Psychol: Health Well‐Being. 2011; 3: 350–369.
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